Haimanti Bhattacharya is a Relationship Advisor and Author of ‘Bombay Tales’. She has been able to provide sane relationship advice thanks to her experience in relationship counseling because she has always placed a higher priority on finding solutions to issues than igniting them. In order to assist people in finding true mates, she has also organized a number of dating events. The Kolkata Mail correspondent Priyanka Dutta caught up with Haimanti Bhattacharya as she shed light on relationship problems in modern times. Excerpts..

Trust is one factor that is important for any relationship. However, in recent times, there is a lack of trust in relationships. What according to you is the cause for this change??

Haimanti Bhattacharya- Trust forms the basis of any relationship but in modern times it is the biggest challenge that couples face. The primary reason for trust issues between partners can be attributed to the manifold options available to each one. Morality is redefined today by the cool millennials and gen z and the world of the internet gives anyone options to choose from. Social taboos are also barely accepted by the urban population. So a bit of an issue with a partner results in going out with someone else or leading to more. As a generation, we are mostly short on patience and have plenty of options.

Has the emergence of social media hampered and impacted modern-day relationships?

Haimanti Bhattacharya- Surely the advent of social media has impacted modern-day relationships completely. Online dating hasn’t been pleasing to all as people often fake it or date multiple people. Some ghosts, some go partner shopping and some just use it for physical needs. In the process, the ones at the other end are hurt. Also, regular couples are glued to their phones ignoring their partners and tend to end up in a fight if the other complaints. Relationships have become a convenience rather than the desire to be with someone and spend time with someone.

How to resolve conflicts in a relationship?

Haimanti Bhattacharya- It is very important for people to go old school if they want to resolve conflicts. Spend time with each other, talk to each other, do things together of common interest, and of course by leaving the phone aside. Also keeping one’s ego at bay is difficult but saying sorry really help irrespective of whose fault it is. What is most important is to try. No two people think or expect the same things. That happens in the mushy Instagram world. Therefore instead of comparing and desiring other couples’ lives, it is better to focus on what we have and whether is it important enough to save.

Young people prefer live in relationships to getting married. Is this due to commitment phobia or lack of trust in the other person?

Haimanti Bhattacharya- Live-in relationships actually are great for a couple to experience before deciding to get married because only when we live with someone their true colors are visible and we understand if we want this for the rest of our lives or not. The modern couple is financially independent, well educated, and opinionated and therefore want the best for themselves. They don’t want to get stuck in the rut of a bad marriage and then circle around their families and courts for a divorce. Many have seen their parents stuck in a loveless relationship for life to honor the commitment of marriage. They don’t want to commit so easily to something that they have to deal with for the rest of their lives. There is a lack of trust in the other person’s ability to be a part of their entire being through the highs and lows of life. Self-love has risen beyond social boundaries with the free-spirited YOLO youth and therefore they take the living-in path more than often

How has dating changed with the emergence of social media sites?

Haimanti Bhattacharya- Dating has taken a wild turn with social media sites. The good being options galore and the bad being the same. If we have many options so do they. Creeping into DMs can result in a date as much as swiping right on a site but the problem is that it is all a gamble. If we are lucky we find a partner for life and if we are not we are stuck in the dating game until we have decided to take a break from the obnoxious people/stay single for life OR seek our parents’ help to find a life partner.

Dating sites have many fake profiles and people often get cheated. What can people do to prevent such incidents?

Haimanti Bhattacharya- Dating sites can be attributed as the biggest scam network at times with the kind of fakeness that is there and the cheating thereafter. They are difficult to predict and control but for our own sake, a couple of things can surely help.

Checking the person’s social media which includes LinkedIn, Instagram, and Facebook (they can’t be fake at all). To definitely not trust a person without a social media presence, To do a video call before deciding to meet helps in not being cheated with a different face and personality. Talking a couple of times before deciding to meet to know how they think and function in their daily life.

Asking the basic questions in the first couple of meetings like what is in their mind and what are they looking for instead of being their casual sidekick and most importantly to use our own gut feeling.